Time is flying when you're right by my side...

It's crazy how long the days seem when you're waiting for something, and how short once you finally have it.

How crazy the ups and downs and new transitions for BOTH of us in the past month... you've started school, I'm working my full time job and trying to find time for you and friends, and everything.  It's definitely difficult, with my lack of a steady schedule and my car dying, but I think we're falling into some type of routine.  We're a unit.  You have no idea how good that makes me feel to say that.

I know the Reserves will take you from me soon, one weekend a month, but I think that this will be good too!  It will give you a chance to learn something new, meet new people, and continue your development in the military.  I know that this two year commitment will REALLY help you decide if you're a lifer or not, if ROTC is going to be a part of your next year at CMU and if you're on the right track to become an officer.  I know that you'll make the right choice for you and that I'll be here behind you, 100% supporting you.

I just felt like writing today because I feel like the past couple of weeks have brought us closer together with us both having issues requiring us to go to hospitals.  It seems like you're issues will always be easier to handle, though farther away, and mine will always be more expensive.  Haha.  Oh well, at least we always know that no matter what, there will be someone there to tie up eachother's embarassing hospital gowns (and take photos, of course). :)

I love you, babe. 


Most of all, I love our amazing little life together. :)

(Lucky too!)

Michigan bound...

You're coming home!

You're on your way home!


You'll be with ME tonight.




:D
:D
:D



Now, to nap! I have to make sure I get SOME sleep since I work at 6am and expect you around 1.

:)
:)
:)

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow...

Today is the day!

I got up too early, made myself go back to sleep, and then cleaned the entire apartment once I woke up again!  You're coming home today!

Your room got cleared, you were off to get the last of your signatures, so I hopped in the shower.

And you called.

And you'll be coming home tomorrow.

And now I'm devastated again. I'm selfish, wanting you home now.  I hate that I'm upset again, I hate that you're upset too.  And I hate most that there's nothing we can do about it.

So get your hotel room for the night, get your damn signature tomorrow, and come home to me.

(Also, if this is a way to surprise me tonight, I don't like it, but I'll get over it.)

...

Well, you know I'm upset today because the Powers that Be say you can't clear your barracks on a Sunday, so it'll have to wait until Monday.  It isn't that I'm mad, it's that I'm a planner.  I get my countdowns set and then I expect them to work out.

The Army doesn't work that way.

And you enlisted.

Maybe I'm just more emotional about this because I am SO VERY looking forward to this, but also because I have to remember that you're not JUST mine.  Your mom always says that you're "property of."  They tell you what to do, when to do it, and the Reserves will be no different.  You'll go on the weekends they tell you to, whether I have plans or not.

I'm better now than when you first told me, I just get emotional fast.

And I so just want you home now.

"It was an impulse!"

So, this morning I thought you were going to call me when you had to get up for PT.  Of course, today you're starting the clearing process, so PT wasn't really going to be PT for you.  I can picture you, getting up and around, pulling on ACU's and lacing up those boots (I think we're gonna need to get you some new ones now, eh?) that I've taken off of you at least once every time I see you.

You were running late (no surprise ;)) and so I got to sleep in a bit, which was nice. I woke up bummed.  So I called you, and got sent to voicemail.  No biggie, usually this means you're working hard, or that signal is bad, so I just went back to my Netflix and normal morning routine.  When you called back, you told me about how you just had an appointment... and that on impulse, you enlisted in the Reserves!  Holy surprise, crazy! :P  Now I really see what you mean when you ALWAYS say, "I do what I want."

I was struck first by this mini-panic.  I don't know what all this entails besides what I see in commercials, one weekend a month, two weeks a year.  You say you'll be doing ROTC at CMU while you're attending classes too.  You're going to be a busy man.  Busy, but amazing.  Babe, I was struck second by my awe for you.  You're so strong and brave and amazing.  You're a soldier through and through; I honestly don't see you going back to a true civilian lifestyle again.  You're always thinking ahead, thinking the best things and I love you so much for that.

So what did my "typical morning" turn into?  Realizing that my solider is coming HOME to ME for GOOD in 13 days.  I have so much to do to prepare.  I printed/ordered photos to come so this place looks less like my place and more like our place.  I started deep cleaning the kitchen. 

I can't wait to have you home. :)

And thank you for telling me that you're undeployable for the first two years.

<3

19 days!

August 18th is right around the corner, and now that you have your orders cut, everything is falling into place.

Except for my flight to Nashville to drive back with you.

WHY DID TICKETS HAVE TO JUMP FROM $95 to $175?!

I'm so bummed out. 

Can we plant a money tree?

Just know, that no matter how irritated I seem about this, I'm more excited that it's less than three weeks before I get to wake up to you every morning.

Gavin DeGraw - Soldier

I don't know what to really say some days, but I think this sums it up.

Only one more month and 9 days at the most, right?
I'm so glad you were here this past weekend.

:)

The days are longer and you're not here yet...

I love you.

I feel like to you, I say this too frequently, but to me, it's never enough.

I could be angry with you for the things you say, the way you joke, the distance between us, but I'll still love you. 

This summer has been so weird to me.  Usually, I don't have to think twice about what I'm missing when I take the extra time to walk to ball practice or pick up a shift.  The past two summers of my life have been spent single, working whenever I could, laying in the sun  when I wasn't, and hanging out all night long with whoever I wanted to. 
Now, it's sort of the same thing, but I feel bad, leaving you to your devices when you'd normally only have a little while to talk.  My life has to go on, apart from you, right? (I don't mean this in a bad way, just very basic.  I cannot spend an entire summer waiting for you to come home.)  You tell me I need hobbies and for me, in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, in the summertime, being outside is one of them... spending time playing softball, hanging out with my friends. 
There's something about the unpredictibility of it.  I love not knowing where a night's going to end up.  I like ending up shooting the shit with a friend and having it turn into too many drinks and an all-night chat session.  I like pizza and beer after a win on the field.  And I like spending time with the people I care about, especially when the days are so long.  I'd give ANYTHING to be able to share this summer with you as well.  Tubing down the Chip, ice cream at Doozie's, and late night walks around campus... these things would be so much better with someone to hold my hand.  Someone to laugh with, splash water at, tackle in the sand... Yep, I'm a hopeless romantic. 

The great news is that you say you could get your orders as soon as next week. I feel like things have been a little rough the past couple of weeks.  I'm easily annoyed these days, too much on my mind, and you're distant, due to a block leave that you didn't come home for and new video game releases all the time. I have to remember that you have your life and your hobbies too. There's something good about that, you know... a man who has ways to occupy his time.  I like it.  Also, a man with friends too!  How amazing! :P

I guess it just hit me about how unfair I can be sometimes.  I know that I miss you, and that you know that... but honestly, what's the point in telling you so often?  I guess this is the last time, for awhile that I'll remind you how much I wish you were with me.  It's only what, like 5-6 weeks until you're home by now? That's not long to wait... and with a summer full of tubing, softball, and friends in Mount Pleasant, it really won't take too long to fly by.

Aaron Stow, I cannot wait for you to be here.  I look forward to the smallest things, someone to come home to after a long day, someone to wake up next to every morning, someone to hold hands with on a walk to the mailbox.  I even look forward to (I can't believe I'm going to admit this out loud) making you a sandwich while you're too attached to the newest game and your unfailing guild of nerds to remember lunch.

I love you.

Come home to me soon, Specialist Stow.

Beautiful

Even a moment of your time is so special to me.  I know that there have been so many problems trying to get text messages to go through, to get time to actually get on Skype when I work so many night shifts and you have such early days for PT.  I know that your decision to type up an e-mail means so  much.  And the last one was the best thing I've ever read.

I love you.

I can't wait until I can kiss you every day and every night.

I'm sick today, which you know.  I've always been very good at taking care of myself, but I'm reminded in this moment that soon you'll be here and I won't NEED to any more.  Not that I won't try, we're both pretty stubborn people, but it will be so good to know that I won't HAVE to be on my own  with everything anymore.  I'll have someone around to cook dinner for, to snuggle with, and maybe even someone to ask to bring me an ice pack if I get injured playing softball (or cleaning the house, you know me, I'm pretty clumsy) or run out to get soup when I'm not feeling well.

I hope everything works out with us, I really do.

Never before have I been so challenged...

I always thought that the most challenging part of this relationship would be the 600 miles between us or the time until you were released from the Army (I still am planning to hang your Honorable Discharge up on the wall) and came home to me.  Where these are two of the biggest things in the forefront of my mind- daily.  Especially the days that I feel you've been so close, or you surprise me, or the countdown doesn't seem as far away... there isn't a day that passes by that I'm not thinking about how much I miss you in one form or another...
Today, I loaded the dishwasher, full of dirty dishes from a wonderful weekend.  After I'd done so, I realized that the dishes that had been in there WERE clean (before I ruined them) because YOU ran the dishwasher?  (I mean, maybe I did and didn't remember it, but it's cuter to think that you did it. ;)) Just another reminder of how you're so far from me now.  The first days waking up alone after you've gone are the hardest.  You just make me feel so safe, so happy... and what better way to start your day than with someone you love?  I just makes me long for the weeks and months where that feeling never has to end.

So!  Since I've been off on a bit of a tangent.. the most challenging part of this relationship is for me to relax, to just let things happen.  Sometimes, I worry that you're too laid back for me.  On our Valentine's Weekend trip to Indianapolis, I learned that I got too worked up about everything (let's face it, I've known it my whole life) and you helped me realize that I could just relax.  I truly feel like in our time together, you've helped me become a much better person.
That's really what it's all about, right?  Finding someone you're crazy about, that you connect with, who, over time, can make you become the very best version of yourself.  Someone who challenges you (Are we really both going to start our quest towards finishing our Bachelor's Degrees this year?), who makes you amazingly happy, who becomes your confidant and your sunshine... your happiness?

Part of me is terrified to admit this, but you already know that I believe I've found this in you.

We've both dated, known people, been in relationships... I'm a total romantic, so I've often thought of others over the years as "the one," but let me tell you that at a steady, happy stage in my life... I'm finally together enough, I finally know myself well enough, I'm finally sure enough of myself to believe that you truly are.

I say it too much, maybe, but you know that I love you.  Only two-ish more months left now...

I snapped this on the way home from Ithaca, Memorial Day Weekend, 2013. :)  You were sleeping and had your hand on my neck the whole time. :)  Made me so happy.

"Call me when you miss me!"

"If I did that, I'd call you at the end of the road."

My soldier.  I love you.

I love your surprises, your ability to cook, and the way you talk to me.  I just love you so much.



Thank you for everything that you do.
Months.

This is do-able.

Only a day away...

There's one thing I love about the military work week...  Four day weekends for holidays. :)

With you only being ten hours away, I'm luckier than most, often getting the chance to see you over these short breaks.
I know that this weekend, Memorial Day, is up in the air.  I remember for MLK weekend, how your showed up at my job.  I was busy, trying to get everything on my checklist completed for the day and I got a call from the guy in shoes.  He told me that there was something of mine in his area, which isn't odd, so I went to check it out.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that that something of mine was you! :)  I've been surprised ONCE for my birthday, and it was so hard to pull off.  You were the best surprise I've ever received.

I'm always hoping that I can see you sooner than we originally plan, but I don't like to bother you about it.  I know you hate the drive.  Just know that whenever I do see you, I'm the happiest person in the world.  :)  You just make me so overjoyed.

August is so close now.

Not the sentimental type...

Aaron.  You of all people know how emotional and sensitive I can be.  I know that it drives you crazy, being so much like my dad in that if you can't fix it, I should go cry to someone else about it.  I'm learning the hard way how I need to hide how much I miss you, how I need to work on dealing with those feelings in a way that didn't annoy you so much.

I just feel like I never understood that maybe it's hard for you too.  That even though you've been deployed for a year and you've been away from home so long now, that it is still hard for you, especially in the home stretch. Babe, I'm working on it.  If only for two and a half more months, I am working on it.

Mornings like this help.  When I get a phone call asking "What are you doing, Jennifer?" and "Will you Skype with me?" just make my heart soar.  Just knowing that my non-sentimenal, hard-ass, Army soldier wants to start his day talking to me makes everything better.

And hearing that things are falling into place for your transition to the civilian lifestyle (college, getting a terminal leave start date soon, your GI Bill transitions) just makes me more and more excited for August... and (because I'm a total sap and hate to disappoint) the rest of our lives.

I'm so in love with you, which is the only reason I miss you so.  We can do this.  So close now.

Photo Post #1.

Ft. Campbell's First Strike Battalion Ball.
March 1st, 2013 in Hopkinsville, KY.

You know I'm a nut for the sentimental... Part of this blog, this letter, capturing our experiences, should be visual.

Here's some of my favorite photos from December 2012 to April 2013.

Christmas Eve, 2012 in Lansing

Christmas Day, 2012 in Lansing.

Before bedtime kiss, end of December 2012 in Mt. Pleasant

Work Holiday Party, 2013 in Mount Pleasant.

Valentine's Weekend, 2013 in Indianapolis.

Hanging out in Clarksville, Tennessee before the Army Ball in 2013!

Headed out to family dinner, 2013 in Sanford, MI.

Proud Army Girlfriend...

I know you hate this kind of stuff: bumper stickers, jewelry, t-shirts.  THOSE girls, with their flip flops and his combat boots.  I know that it's not your favorite thing in the world, but at some point after you left that first time, I knew.  I was a proud Army girlfriend.  I don't always agree with some of the posts I see on Pinterest of this nature, bumper stickers I've seen both on base at Ft. Campbell and off, or some of the Facebook posts shared by friends of 18-year-olds wearing their new boyfriend's dog tags while he goes to basic training, but one thing remains correct... All of these women, girls... are PROUD. 

Not everyone knows where their future is headed.  I can't tell you how many girls I know who've dated military and gotten all the sweat pants, underwear, tank tops, bracelets, bumper stickers, and all sorts of Victoria's Secret apparel that have had to donate, return, or burn it because things didn't work out.
I've never wanted to be someone to put all of my eggs in one basket, but every time I fall, I do.  I'm usually sure.  100%, that this is right, that this is perfect.  I've always CONVINCED myself that this was it.  Elated, overjoyed... but with you I was terrified.  A United States soldier, a hero, a post 9/11 veteran, a real man.  You intimidated me just with your resume.  It didn't take long for me to realize that I was comfortable, and for the first time ever, I didn't have to make excuses, I didn't have to talk myself into it.  I was yours. And I was truly ecstatic.

Anyway, back to the "proud Army girlfriend" thing...
I never knew what it would be like to be the real supporting role to someone.  It's so attractive that you're successful and know how to take care of yourself.  That your career is a priority to you, that you one day want a family and want to support them.  You're one of the most amazing men I've ever had the privilege to know (third, after my father and grandfather).

I love you so much.  If anyone asks me, I'm of course a proud Army girlfriend. :)

(Now I just need that sweet dog tag with a photo and quote necklace made.  Don't make too much fun of me!)

So nervous...

You smiled and I hugged you.  I remember thinking I'd ask first, I know I had on the phone, but I don't remember what I said before I did in person.  I just remember those eyes, thinking they were so perfect.  I just remember that smile, you looked so happy.  I remember reaching up to put my arms around your neck and thinking, 'this is right.'
Like I said, I don't know how I knew.  I just did.

(On nights like tonight, I think of that first night.  How nervous I was to meet you and equally as anxious for you to arrive.  With you having been out in the field on and off for the past few weeks, it seems like it's getting harder to connect and that you're further away.  I just realized that things aren't easy here.  Every time I've had to see you leave me, a part of my heart goes with you.  Every time you come back, I feel whole again.  I know this difficult time is ending soon, but that doesn't make it less difficult while you're gone.)

I had it all planned out... the nerf gun in the couch, ready to attack, your lame Christmas presents under the tree, a clean apartment so you'd have a good first impression of me.  You didn't talk much, it seemed like the phone was easier for us, but we sat in the living room and talked.  You were anxious to change out of your ACU's (that's right, isn't it? ;)), and I couldn't blame you, though I thought you looked so handsome in them.  I was so worried that your calm demeanor meant that I wasn't what you expected, that I didn't live up to what you thought of me in your head... but you kept smiling.

I changed too, shorts and an MSU baseball t-shirt.  I thought that you should see the real me.  Relaxed.  I hoped that you'd still want to get to know me.

And you did.

That first kiss.  I feel like we waited forever, though it was only hours.  It was amazing.  Maybe that had a lot to do with the patience in waiting.  I wanted you to do it.  That's a man's job.  And I found myself, for the first time, with a real man.  A soldier.  One who would quickly become my hero. 

I always hope never to scare you away with feelings and emotions, but you should know that this is how I will always see you, whether active-duty or veteran... you're my soldier.  My hero.  My rock.

And I couldn't be happier.

From Internet to SMS...

I spent most of that first night in Georgia just flipping through messages that had been sent to me over the past couple of weeks.  (Since I didn't have internet, things had gotten a little backed up.)  I was so happy to find several messages that had more to say than "hey sexy lets hannnng".  I was overjoyed to find that you had messaged me again.
I was happy to find that though you had plans to head out on the town with your friends, you were able to message me back before heading out.  The more we talked, the more I wished that you were closer to me, that the Army didn't still have you under contract for over half a year.  You made me smile, so much that my dad mentioned something to me on the trip.

On the second day of my adventure to Georgia, I decided that it would be easier to ask you to text instead.  This way, I would be able to send you messages on the drive back to Michigan (and all I hoped was that you wanted that too). 

I was falling for you over text message too fast.  I was scared.  How could someone this awesome have been  so close to me for so long and I'd never known him?  How could he be so far from me now?  And was 600 miles too far away to even consider a relationship?  (Also, I'd been talking to you consistently NOT long enough to even be thinking about that, but it's just how I roll.)



I hate talking on the phone, but for some reason, I was anxious to talk to you.  I didn't want to bring it up, I wasn't sure if that was okay with you, so I continued texting.  That was, until one night that I got out of work late and wanted to talk to someone on the way out to my car... That phone call stretched into hours.  And I knew.  If I could talk to you on the phone, I was comfortable.  This is when I got scared.  I liked you.  I liked you and I hadn't even met you yet. 

Aaron Stow, the night that we were to meet, I was a ball of nerves.  I picked up a TON of hours at work that week and was doing a 10.5 hour shift.  I knew I'd be exhausted.  I knew I'd be cranky.  I knew I couldn't wait.
I checked my phone every five minutes for an update on where you were.  I knew the drive up through Michigan pretty well.  When you told me you were on US-127, my heart started pounding and my hands were so sweaty.  I didn't want to back out.  I was just so afraid that you would be this perfect, amazing, wonderful man that I had been texting and that you'd find out that I was just me.  Plain and simple.  I was afraid that I would fall for you, much faster than you would for me. (I mean, I was right, but at least you liked me too. ;))

The moment I walked out of that building, seeing you there, in your uniform, smiling that smile... I knew.  You were it.  I don't know how I knew, but I did.  Everything seemed amazing.
I was so excited to get to know you even better...

:)

In the beginning... (My Dearest Aaron Micheal Stow,)

When I signed up for yet ANOTHER online dating site, I have to say that I didn't know what to expect.  Having been through it a few times, I'd be lying if I didn't expect a disaster or two to start with.  I didn't expect you.


The first message I got was a young man asking me about Disney movies.  Someone from Michigan, who was living out of state on an Army base.  He was cute, tall enough (as long as he wasn't lying), and seemed so down to earth.  He was looking for a girl who was clumsy and nerdy.  He was you.


Where I may have spent a little bit of time texting another person from that website, we never met.  There was something about you that stayed in the back of my mind.  I constantly wished for the internet at home, afraid that you'd meet someone better before I actually got to get to know you. 


And then I went to Georgia with my dad and Karen to visit my sister.  And there was internet in the hotel.  :)


 Aaron, I have so much to say, but this is just where I want to start- one bit at a time.  You're the best part of my 2013... I just will never know how to express it properly.

Love,
Jennifer