Never before have I been so challenged...

I always thought that the most challenging part of this relationship would be the 600 miles between us or the time until you were released from the Army (I still am planning to hang your Honorable Discharge up on the wall) and came home to me.  Where these are two of the biggest things in the forefront of my mind- daily.  Especially the days that I feel you've been so close, or you surprise me, or the countdown doesn't seem as far away... there isn't a day that passes by that I'm not thinking about how much I miss you in one form or another...
Today, I loaded the dishwasher, full of dirty dishes from a wonderful weekend.  After I'd done so, I realized that the dishes that had been in there WERE clean (before I ruined them) because YOU ran the dishwasher?  (I mean, maybe I did and didn't remember it, but it's cuter to think that you did it. ;)) Just another reminder of how you're so far from me now.  The first days waking up alone after you've gone are the hardest.  You just make me feel so safe, so happy... and what better way to start your day than with someone you love?  I just makes me long for the weeks and months where that feeling never has to end.

So!  Since I've been off on a bit of a tangent.. the most challenging part of this relationship is for me to relax, to just let things happen.  Sometimes, I worry that you're too laid back for me.  On our Valentine's Weekend trip to Indianapolis, I learned that I got too worked up about everything (let's face it, I've known it my whole life) and you helped me realize that I could just relax.  I truly feel like in our time together, you've helped me become a much better person.
That's really what it's all about, right?  Finding someone you're crazy about, that you connect with, who, over time, can make you become the very best version of yourself.  Someone who challenges you (Are we really both going to start our quest towards finishing our Bachelor's Degrees this year?), who makes you amazingly happy, who becomes your confidant and your sunshine... your happiness?

Part of me is terrified to admit this, but you already know that I believe I've found this in you.

We've both dated, known people, been in relationships... I'm a total romantic, so I've often thought of others over the years as "the one," but let me tell you that at a steady, happy stage in my life... I'm finally together enough, I finally know myself well enough, I'm finally sure enough of myself to believe that you truly are.

I say it too much, maybe, but you know that I love you.  Only two-ish more months left now...

I snapped this on the way home from Ithaca, Memorial Day Weekend, 2013. :)  You were sleeping and had your hand on my neck the whole time. :)  Made me so happy.

"Call me when you miss me!"

"If I did that, I'd call you at the end of the road."

My soldier.  I love you.

I love your surprises, your ability to cook, and the way you talk to me.  I just love you so much.



Thank you for everything that you do.
Months.

This is do-able.

Only a day away...

There's one thing I love about the military work week...  Four day weekends for holidays. :)

With you only being ten hours away, I'm luckier than most, often getting the chance to see you over these short breaks.
I know that this weekend, Memorial Day, is up in the air.  I remember for MLK weekend, how your showed up at my job.  I was busy, trying to get everything on my checklist completed for the day and I got a call from the guy in shoes.  He told me that there was something of mine in his area, which isn't odd, so I went to check it out.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that that something of mine was you! :)  I've been surprised ONCE for my birthday, and it was so hard to pull off.  You were the best surprise I've ever received.

I'm always hoping that I can see you sooner than we originally plan, but I don't like to bother you about it.  I know you hate the drive.  Just know that whenever I do see you, I'm the happiest person in the world.  :)  You just make me so overjoyed.

August is so close now.

Not the sentimental type...

Aaron.  You of all people know how emotional and sensitive I can be.  I know that it drives you crazy, being so much like my dad in that if you can't fix it, I should go cry to someone else about it.  I'm learning the hard way how I need to hide how much I miss you, how I need to work on dealing with those feelings in a way that didn't annoy you so much.

I just feel like I never understood that maybe it's hard for you too.  That even though you've been deployed for a year and you've been away from home so long now, that it is still hard for you, especially in the home stretch. Babe, I'm working on it.  If only for two and a half more months, I am working on it.

Mornings like this help.  When I get a phone call asking "What are you doing, Jennifer?" and "Will you Skype with me?" just make my heart soar.  Just knowing that my non-sentimenal, hard-ass, Army soldier wants to start his day talking to me makes everything better.

And hearing that things are falling into place for your transition to the civilian lifestyle (college, getting a terminal leave start date soon, your GI Bill transitions) just makes me more and more excited for August... and (because I'm a total sap and hate to disappoint) the rest of our lives.

I'm so in love with you, which is the only reason I miss you so.  We can do this.  So close now.

Photo Post #1.

Ft. Campbell's First Strike Battalion Ball.
March 1st, 2013 in Hopkinsville, KY.

You know I'm a nut for the sentimental... Part of this blog, this letter, capturing our experiences, should be visual.

Here's some of my favorite photos from December 2012 to April 2013.

Christmas Eve, 2012 in Lansing

Christmas Day, 2012 in Lansing.

Before bedtime kiss, end of December 2012 in Mt. Pleasant

Work Holiday Party, 2013 in Mount Pleasant.

Valentine's Weekend, 2013 in Indianapolis.

Hanging out in Clarksville, Tennessee before the Army Ball in 2013!

Headed out to family dinner, 2013 in Sanford, MI.

Proud Army Girlfriend...

I know you hate this kind of stuff: bumper stickers, jewelry, t-shirts.  THOSE girls, with their flip flops and his combat boots.  I know that it's not your favorite thing in the world, but at some point after you left that first time, I knew.  I was a proud Army girlfriend.  I don't always agree with some of the posts I see on Pinterest of this nature, bumper stickers I've seen both on base at Ft. Campbell and off, or some of the Facebook posts shared by friends of 18-year-olds wearing their new boyfriend's dog tags while he goes to basic training, but one thing remains correct... All of these women, girls... are PROUD. 

Not everyone knows where their future is headed.  I can't tell you how many girls I know who've dated military and gotten all the sweat pants, underwear, tank tops, bracelets, bumper stickers, and all sorts of Victoria's Secret apparel that have had to donate, return, or burn it because things didn't work out.
I've never wanted to be someone to put all of my eggs in one basket, but every time I fall, I do.  I'm usually sure.  100%, that this is right, that this is perfect.  I've always CONVINCED myself that this was it.  Elated, overjoyed... but with you I was terrified.  A United States soldier, a hero, a post 9/11 veteran, a real man.  You intimidated me just with your resume.  It didn't take long for me to realize that I was comfortable, and for the first time ever, I didn't have to make excuses, I didn't have to talk myself into it.  I was yours. And I was truly ecstatic.

Anyway, back to the "proud Army girlfriend" thing...
I never knew what it would be like to be the real supporting role to someone.  It's so attractive that you're successful and know how to take care of yourself.  That your career is a priority to you, that you one day want a family and want to support them.  You're one of the most amazing men I've ever had the privilege to know (third, after my father and grandfather).

I love you so much.  If anyone asks me, I'm of course a proud Army girlfriend. :)

(Now I just need that sweet dog tag with a photo and quote necklace made.  Don't make too much fun of me!)

So nervous...

You smiled and I hugged you.  I remember thinking I'd ask first, I know I had on the phone, but I don't remember what I said before I did in person.  I just remember those eyes, thinking they were so perfect.  I just remember that smile, you looked so happy.  I remember reaching up to put my arms around your neck and thinking, 'this is right.'
Like I said, I don't know how I knew.  I just did.

(On nights like tonight, I think of that first night.  How nervous I was to meet you and equally as anxious for you to arrive.  With you having been out in the field on and off for the past few weeks, it seems like it's getting harder to connect and that you're further away.  I just realized that things aren't easy here.  Every time I've had to see you leave me, a part of my heart goes with you.  Every time you come back, I feel whole again.  I know this difficult time is ending soon, but that doesn't make it less difficult while you're gone.)

I had it all planned out... the nerf gun in the couch, ready to attack, your lame Christmas presents under the tree, a clean apartment so you'd have a good first impression of me.  You didn't talk much, it seemed like the phone was easier for us, but we sat in the living room and talked.  You were anxious to change out of your ACU's (that's right, isn't it? ;)), and I couldn't blame you, though I thought you looked so handsome in them.  I was so worried that your calm demeanor meant that I wasn't what you expected, that I didn't live up to what you thought of me in your head... but you kept smiling.

I changed too, shorts and an MSU baseball t-shirt.  I thought that you should see the real me.  Relaxed.  I hoped that you'd still want to get to know me.

And you did.

That first kiss.  I feel like we waited forever, though it was only hours.  It was amazing.  Maybe that had a lot to do with the patience in waiting.  I wanted you to do it.  That's a man's job.  And I found myself, for the first time, with a real man.  A soldier.  One who would quickly become my hero. 

I always hope never to scare you away with feelings and emotions, but you should know that this is how I will always see you, whether active-duty or veteran... you're my soldier.  My hero.  My rock.

And I couldn't be happier.