So nervous...

You smiled and I hugged you.  I remember thinking I'd ask first, I know I had on the phone, but I don't remember what I said before I did in person.  I just remember those eyes, thinking they were so perfect.  I just remember that smile, you looked so happy.  I remember reaching up to put my arms around your neck and thinking, 'this is right.'
Like I said, I don't know how I knew.  I just did.

(On nights like tonight, I think of that first night.  How nervous I was to meet you and equally as anxious for you to arrive.  With you having been out in the field on and off for the past few weeks, it seems like it's getting harder to connect and that you're further away.  I just realized that things aren't easy here.  Every time I've had to see you leave me, a part of my heart goes with you.  Every time you come back, I feel whole again.  I know this difficult time is ending soon, but that doesn't make it less difficult while you're gone.)

I had it all planned out... the nerf gun in the couch, ready to attack, your lame Christmas presents under the tree, a clean apartment so you'd have a good first impression of me.  You didn't talk much, it seemed like the phone was easier for us, but we sat in the living room and talked.  You were anxious to change out of your ACU's (that's right, isn't it? ;)), and I couldn't blame you, though I thought you looked so handsome in them.  I was so worried that your calm demeanor meant that I wasn't what you expected, that I didn't live up to what you thought of me in your head... but you kept smiling.

I changed too, shorts and an MSU baseball t-shirt.  I thought that you should see the real me.  Relaxed.  I hoped that you'd still want to get to know me.

And you did.

That first kiss.  I feel like we waited forever, though it was only hours.  It was amazing.  Maybe that had a lot to do with the patience in waiting.  I wanted you to do it.  That's a man's job.  And I found myself, for the first time, with a real man.  A soldier.  One who would quickly become my hero. 

I always hope never to scare you away with feelings and emotions, but you should know that this is how I will always see you, whether active-duty or veteran... you're my soldier.  My hero.  My rock.

And I couldn't be happier.